The death of a loved one is a powerful and deeply meaningful occurrence. As with any important events, we humans feel the urge to remember and observe them annually.
An annual memorial service is the perfect way to do that.
You can conduct a service in private, all by yourself, as a personal and intimate way to honor your loved one's memory.
You can also invite close friends and family members to an annual observance where you collectively remember and celebrate the life of your beloved, sharing memories and stories and enjoying a time of solidarity in your individual grief journeys.
Here are some ideas.
Annual Memorial Service Ideas for Family & Friends
- Location. Choose a location and celebrate there each year. This could be a favorite restaurant, someone's home, or you could rent out a meeting hall or reception area.
- Menu. Be sure to provide food! There's something healthy and healing about sharing a meal with loved ones. Again, this could be at a restaurant, or through a catering service. Everyone could bring potluck dishes, you could all cook sushi or grill together, or you could simply do hors d'oeuvres, coffee, or dessert.
- Leader. If you have any formal elements, be sure to choose someone to lead, whether yourself or someone else. It can be a little awkward when no one knows what to do.
- Sharing time. Establish and encourage a time for sharing memories. This might be an "open mic" with an actual microphone, a serious time to gather and share stories, or you could simply invite people to say things they remember about your loved one as you sit back after the meal.
- Memorial service. The "service" itself can be as short, long, formal, or off-the-cuff as you like. Include one or two elements, or twelve - it's up to you.
- Formal beginning (it can be as simple as, "let's start")
- Song or hymn
- Recount important events
- Share familiar and beloved stories
- Share completely new ones (if possible/desirable)
- Open mic / sharing time
- Raise a glass
- Moment of silence
- Musical selection
- Tree planting, flower cutting, cairn building (if outdoors)
- Formal ending (benediction, closing prayer, or "that's all, folks")
Private Annual Memorial Service Ideas
- Visit the cemetery. Or the location where their ashes were scattered. Take flowers or some special, meaningful memorial tribute.
- Journal. Write down your thoughts, feelings, memories, and how much you miss your loved one.
- Getaway. Go on a retreat; overnight, for the weekend, or an entire week. Get up to the woods, out to the beach, or simply out of the house for a while.
- Hike/walk. Take a hike or walk through a favorite place. Downtown, hiking trail, walking path, park.
- Pour out a glass. Pour one for yourself and one for the person you'd most like to share it with.
- Favorite meal. Cook their favorite meal, follow their favorite recipe, or bake that most delicious treat. Enjoy it in their memory. Consider sharing some (you can just drop it off on the porch and text the person, if you don't feel like talking) with others who are also grieving your loved one. Their parents, sibling, spouse, or children would appreciate the annual "mom's double-chocolate brownies" delivery.
- Music. Put on their favorite artist, album, or song. If this is for your spouse, you probably had "your" song for the two of you. If so, listen to it.
- Readings. Read their favorite Scripture passages, favorite author or poet.
- Pull out the keepsakes. Go through old photos, albums, notes, and other keepsakes. Most people have a box or bin of memories, pull it out and spend some time seeing your loved one's picture and handwriting. Digital photos count, too!
- Light a candle. Turn off the lights, light a candle, put on some music, and have a time of silence, meditation, prayer, and sweet memories.
- Have a good cry. Don't be shy. Get alone, shut the door, and have a good old fashioned cry. Take a nap, too.
1 Year Memorial Ideas
What do you do that first year after the death of someone you love? Here are some 1 year memorial ideas so that you can begin a meaningful tradition.
- Set a reminder in your phone or digital calendar. Whatever ideas you come up with, you'll want to remember to revisit them the next year to continue the tradition. Of course you won't forget the death anniversary itself, but you might forget what you wanted to do annually.
- Get a nice journal. Even if you don't write in it the rest of the year, at least you'll have a yearly log of your grief journey.
- Start a blog. Many people write online as a way to process their grief. It doesn't have to be a big production; many blogging sites allow you to set up a site within minutes for free.
- Scrapbook. You can complete this the first year, or start the tradition and do a little bit each year.
- Volunteer. Devote your time to helping others, especially if there is a cause that was close to your loved one's heart.
Self-Care & Grief
Self-care is quite the buzzword these days, especially when grief is involved. I tend to think that we think too much about ourselves already, so I'd prefer to think about others (our loved ones) instead of ourselves. It's important to do something constructive in honor of their memory, volunteer and give of our time and energy, and not get stuck in an inward-looking rut.
This sort of others-centered living actually helps us heal.
Still, we need to take care of ourselves. You need to take care of yourself. So remember to eat and stay hydrated. It's ok to relax, take a nap, get a massage, tune out to a movie or podcast, read a book, exercise, go shopping, or keep busy with gardening or spring cleaning or whatever takes your mind off things. Strive for a healthy balance and you'll do great.
After all, your loved one loved you, too. Remember that as you honor their memory, start or continue healthy grieving traditions, and observe a special death anniversary.